Pass the soy sauce please

I consider the Chinese Zodiac a personal offense. Oh how many times have I been sitting down to enjoy a festive and tasty meal only to be reminded that my Chinese Zodiac sign is a PIG. Really Chinese people…why a pig? If I asked you to name 12 really awesome and meaningful animals….and you got to eleven…would the 12th be a pig? I really doubt it. Don’t try to tell me it’s a boar…a pig by any other name…if you get my drift. When I was younger I would anxiously scan the place mat at every Chinese restaurant always hoping that, by some twist of fate, this particular restaurant would have a “different” zodiac. Maybe that day I would look down and be a Pea fowl or a flying fox. I have finally given up, feeling quite resigned to the fact that the Chinese Zodiac will never change and short of forging my birth certificate I will always be the year of the boar. Now pass the Moo Shu Chicken.